Although in years past I have been very reluctant to look at the turn of the calendar year with any significance, I am feeling quite motivated by the promise of this year! I am invoking change and I’m refreshed by the opportunity for New Year’s Resolutions.
I’ve decided on a few intentions for this year. Self-expression is one of them! My hope is that by reaching out into the vastness of the realm of the interwebs, I will make connections with other humans and find out how beautiful our differences are and how similar we can really be. I want to know you. I want you to know me. I want to connect, learn, grow and be forever changed. I want to be better, every day.
So I begin this New Year by looking back at this past year.
2015: A Year of Awakening.
On January 1, 2015, I decided to embark on a journey to change my life. I asked for things to make more sense. I asked for answers to questions I had been asking my entire life. Questions that were never answered. Questions that were answered too often with too much variance in the findings– almost worse than finding no answers at all.
This decision was brought on by an absolute need for change. It was prompted by a state of trauma and a pattern of avoidance that lead to crippling anxiety and depression. I decided to change myself in an attempt to save myself. I decided to change because if I hadn’t changed it would have cost my life. And if I don’t continue to live better, and always be better, then it still could.
So I chose my route toward the answers, or perhaps it chose me, and I dove in. Head First. I submerged myself in books, blogs, and articles. I watched videos, lectures, and TED Talks. I experimented. I meditated. I contemplated. I journaled. I talked.
I fought with my own head. I fought with my loved ones. I fought on the internet. I was used to fighting, as I had been doing it my entire life. This time, however, I was fighting myself, on behalf of myself. A battle I had always faced, but never had the courage to engage.
I found some of my light. I faced some of my darkness. I challenged some of my contradictions. I questioned literally everything. Through that process, and by those means, I discovered my truth. I discovered what I believe to be the truth of the Universe (or at least, my Universe).
Although the details of this journey will likely be expressed in future blog posts, I post this vague entrance to my journey to provide you with a brief overview of my findings and a glimpse of myself.
Although I very much believe that every individual’s experience is too different and unique to justly compare to another’s, I do see the many similarities. After all, what is this thing we keep calling “The Human Experience” if it isn’t somehow a collective, shared, and relatable one.
It is my hope that every human in need of answers will find them– that they will find the truth of their Universe, even if that truth contradicts mine. I do think that truth has many ways of being found. I also believe that, although some people may find others who share their truth, your’s needs to be found by you.
Because you are an individual. You are a whole human being! (You are a Whole, human being! You are a Whole Human, being.) Even if you meet your person in this world– whether they be a loving mother, best friend or significant other– you are a whole person in your own right. You have an incredibly unique perception of reality to consider. You are an individual whose life is yours and yours alone.
Nobody else can live your life for you. Nobody can rightly tell you how to live yours. In fact, it only makes life harder when you are trying to live a truth that was forced onto you by society or parents or peers.
So the choice is yours, it really is. But I challenge you to strip yourself of outside influences and find your truth.
Find your truth and live it. Express it freely! Openly! Loudly! Make it a part of everything you do and everything you are. You don’t need to force it on others. You don’t need to use your truth as a means to put down or judge others. You only need to figure it out, believe it genuinely, and live it, loudly. You do this for yourself. You do this for others. You do this to live, because surely at the end of this life, you will die. Why not do some real living first!?
You are an individual! However you came to be in this world, you ARE! YOU EXIST! YOU are alive. It is your birthright to live this life–YOUR life. You don’t have to live it how others tell you to live. You have the incredible opportunity to be exactly who you want to be if you first figure out and visualize who that is and what needs to change to get there. Anything is possible. There are no real limits of the mind.
You are the cure to your problems. Benefits of this cure include, but are certainly not limited to confidence, empowerment, love, compassion, empathy, knowledge, clarity, awareness, courage, strength, purpose, and infinite possibilities.
I will caution, however. This journey toward truth is not an easy one. It is harder before it is better. You will have to face many parts of yourself that you’ve avoided, or possibly didn’t realize you had. You may lose yourself entirely before finding the person you were born to be. You may experience excruciatingly painful lows, but they will be accompanied by ecstatic, surreal highs. And you’ll know how to make it through the hard times when you know more good times are coming.
I don’t want anyone to think I have completed this journey. I have gained incomprehensible knowledge which has only led me to more dead-ends, more questions, and more discovery. It may take me my entire life to become who I’m meant to be, but damn is it worth every mistake.
So if it pleases you, if it interests you, if it intrigues you, if it terrifies you… please embark on your own journey toward personal truth.
Challenge your contradictions. Question your beliefs. Love unconditionally. Empathize with others. Express gratitude. Even as a work in progress, know your truth, as it stands now, and LIVE. OUT. LOUD!